From the heart

Not sure how to begin after so long a hiatus!! I have had writers block before but this time it was more like a major survival block….so here’s my story.

In May I wrote a post about experiencing tragedy when Hubby’s brother suddenly passed away. I’m sure I didn’t give much detail because this is a gardening blog….but I can say now that we both were reeling for quite some time. Death is not something we ever ‘get prepared’ for…..I wish we did…..even today we are shocked all over again at the enormity of that loss. So when, 3 months later, I received word that my brother , who had been in hospital but not terminal, had signed a no treatment order, I was thrown for one serious loop. In a very short amount of time, an illness that should have gone away turned fully against him……short version is, there was no time to mentally prepare for such news.

Hubby and I traveled to spend time with Bro, gathering another sister along the way…..this is a 750 km trek but worth every inch. We spent good times with Sis, being confined to a moving space for 7 hours each way….talked out our hurts and left open our hearts. On arrival, we gathered with yet more family and showered as much love and comfort on our brother as was humanly possible! We took turns massaging his failing body, hugging warmth into his thin frame, singing hymns with him and holding his hands while he slept. Hard, sad and wonderful all at once.

I need to say that my brother was not old…older than me, but not yet in the ‘golden years’. I have had one heck of a time getting my feet back under me. His passing in August has had a major impact on my life….and I know many, many understand. It has just been 3 months, and will be tender for some time yet…..

But, I felt that transparent  honesty is needed……I love to write, I love to garden…..this fall, that garden was my confidante through many tears! Many little miracles happened in my heart as I have struggled through this grief in my garden…..and I am so grateful…..but it’s been a journey.

So, now I hope to take my place again at my computer, and share my gardening world…..and a little of my ‘other’ world….thanks for listening!! And to those with a similar story, God  bless!

One thought on “From the heart

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